Stress Level 43745692

So much stress, just need Hell Week to come so that it can be over. Because it's going to be hell. Which is why I named it Hell Week, obviously. Anyway, to counteract the bad vibes I'm just gonna list good things. Because good things make you happy.

o children by nick cave. it's the song from hp7 pt 1 that harry and hermione dance to, it's awesome.
flowers
the minneapolis institute of art
art in general
old things
garage sales
finding good stuff at garage sales
trips
bonfires
inside jokes
road trips
day trips
duluth
lake superior
we're all getting our licenses
freedom
independence
twitter
gardens
apple orchards
strawberry fields
the beatles
good music
classical music
pianos
lebanon
receiving text messages
retweets
not doing anything but miraculously managing to look good
having nothing to do. nothing.
softball games
hot dogs
passing grades
when things are easy
mamma mia
islands
adventures
exploring
forests
creeks
taking off your shoes and wading
canoeing
harry potter
happiness
being tan
summer
sunsets
bouquets
new music on your ipod
chocolate
ice cream cones
boating
tubing
newly painted nails
perfectly tuned pianos
gaining a twitter follower
comfortable clothes that still look good
nighttime
startripping
stargazing
summer nights
drive-ins, even though i've never been to one, i want to
diners
when movies that you like are miraculously on tv
children
being a child
being a teenager
shorts
not being self conscious
friends
lots of friends
friend groups
people
people that you like that like you aka FRIENDS
doing something because you like it, not because you feel like you have to
reaching your goals!
not thinking about the future because its scary
laying on the trampoline
comtemplating life in the shower
jewelry
the beach
when you're self confident (doesnt happen often but the times that it does are good)
when the first clothes that you try on fit
travelling alone
being able to do things





imma go contemplate life in the shower now. maybe paint my nails too, if there's time.

i suck at everything

things i suck at:
1. school because everything used to be easy for me but now that i actually have to try i have zero motivation and so my grades are bad
2. english because that was the one subject i was supposed to be good at but the grades on the essays that we got back were mediocre which was really frustrating because usually i get the best grades on english stuff because thats the one thing im good at but lots of people got better scores than me even though i worked really hard so yeah apparently i suck.
3. band because all i ever play is the frickin piano part.
4. piano because our piano at home doesnt work so i never practice at home so i have to practice at school but i dont always get a chance and so i get worse and i've been playing my recital piece since last june and it's still not good. meaning, i suck
5. chemistry because it's horrible and i hate it and i just don't even want to try anymore but i have an f and so i have to but i dont understand anything and i hate coming in early which i have to do every day
6. softball because apparently i have a sidearm so i have to completely relearn how to throw pretty much which affects everything i do in practice causing me to suck.
7. math because i hate it and dont want to try
8. french because it's easy and yet for some reason i still have a b, obviously because i suck.
9. memorizing the capitals of all the countries in the world because i keep practicing and i still dont get the ones ive practiced over and over.
10. everything because i literally get home and climb into bed and stay there all night
11. being prepared for softball because i never am
12. reading because i cant concentrate
13. homework because i cant concentrate
14. everything because i cant concentrate and my mind always wanders, specifically to Will. it's an issue.

things i'm good at:
1. making pizza








conclusion: ditch everything, work at pizzaioli the rest of my life.



yup.

titles are not my forte

so no one really goes on here anymore, which i think is good, because then i can say more stuff and not worry about people reading it or worry about what theyll think. because lately ive been refraining from saying a lot of things based on who i think might be reading this. but im just gonna tell myself that no one reads it and write whatever i want.

except for the fact that i dont really have anything to say. that i feel like posting on the internet.

okay im lying to myself there are probably people reading this that shouldnt be.

*proceeds to mentally argue with self*

ive been arguing with myself a lot lately. sometimes out loud. i make myself laugh, okay? people talk to themselves, right? they do that.
when you have no one to talk to, you have to talk to whoever's around. if it happens to be yourself, whatever. dont judge me.

shahs gonna make me work on friday and im gonna cry cuz on friday is annies bonfire and if i cant go im gonna be super mad. i told him i can only work til 7 and her bonfire starts at seven so if i just have to go a little late it should be good. stupid shah. he hasnt texted me back yet though, so i still dont know what the deal is. thanks for that.

i wanted to have a bonfire. oh well. i'll have one when school ends.

what happened to 80 degree weather? why's it all of a sudden like 30 and 40 again? ergh. minnesota. you irritate me.

will's taking forever to respond. RESPOND.

he didnt respond. oh well. i'll just waste more of my life talking to the empty void of the internet. awesomesauce. who needs other people anyway.

i should count the number of times i've said oh well in my lifetime oh look he replied!

meaghan is gonna make b-rad cry. it's not gonna be a pretty picture. DONT DO IT MEAGHAN.

today i was looking up one of my piano songs on youtube in my room so i could know how to play it, and all of a sudden like half an hour later i woke up and i was using my laptop as a pillow and i was like whattttt...why is the light on....is it morning alreadyy...? and then OH NO im gonna be late so i jump out of bed and start pulling my clothes off and then realize....clothes. oh. why am i wearing clothes? wait. i wore these clothes yesterday. wait. what did i do last night? i dont remember going to bed. oh. it must still be night. OH NO i missed piano. wait. no. it's only five-thirty. okay. it's all good. phew.

yup. thats what happened. it was a strange experience. it's been happening increasingly a lot. i just fall asleep randomly and not know where i am for awhile. this was the worst though, i actually got up and started getting dressed. IM LOSING IT. summer. come faster. please. i dont want to take these effing ap tests. i dont have time to study for them. i dont have time for anything i dont even have time to breathe AGH my life is so stressful spring break needs to be here. now. and i need to not work. it needs to be an entire week of nothing. except thats not gonna happen.

i think im out of things to say. im such an interesting person.


i just dont know anymore. im too busy to be interesting. now im just boring. ;ldsfj;lsdfj;adskf;asdkfj;adslkfj;ldsfj;j;ldkfjawoeirja;kfj STRESS

things i love

spring
summer
vampire weekend
loud music
mgmt
traveling
no homework
playing softball
thunderstorms
just chillin outside
trampolines
star tripping
freedom
my room
food
french
sunshine
melting snow
warm breezes
warm nights
bonfires
parties
my friends
nights out
walking around chan
warmth
being by myself
people
our school
band
marching band
pep band
spat camp
summer
the last day of school
the smell of shaving cream
going outside for lunch
shorts
tshirts
not having to do anything with myself
cloud cult
whiteboards
the sky
airports
security at airports
garage sales
finding things
new clothes that aren't really new
driving
driving with the windows down
sunglasses
flip flops
converse
lava lamps
anticipation
understanding things
english class
lip gloss
flowers
lilies of the valley
singing
knowing the words to songs so i can sing them
my hair
nutella
queen (the band)
sundays at caribou
days when i dont have to work
spring break
everything.

harry potter 5

cho! what's going on?
it's professor trelawney..
sixteen years i've lived and taught here. hogwarts is my home! you can't do this!
actually i can. something you'd like to say dear?
oh there are several things i would like to say!
professor mcgonagall, might i ask you to escort sybll back inside.
professor dumbledore, need i remind you that under educational decree number twenty-three
you have the right to dismiss my teachers. you do not, however, have the right to banish them from the grounds.
for now.
don't you all have studying to do?!

this is mad! who'd want to be taught be me, im a nutter remember?
look on the bright side, cant be any worse than old toadface.
thanks ron.
i'm here for you mate.
lovely spot.
um, hi. so, you all know why we're here. we need a teacher. a proper teacher. one who's had real experience defending themselves against the dark arts.
why?
why? cuz you-know-who's back, ya tosspot.
so he says.
so dumbledore says.
so dumbledore says because he says. the point is, wheres the proof?
if potter could tell us more about how diggory got killed...
im not gonna talk about cedric, so if thats why you're here you might as well clear out now. come on hermione, they're just here because they think im some kind of freak.
wait...
is it true you can produce a patronus charm?
yes. i've seen it.
blimey harry, i didnt know you could do that.
and he killed a basilisk! with the sword in dumbledores office.
its true.
and in third year he fought off about a hundred demontors at once
and last year he really did fight off you-know-who in the flesh.
wait! look, it all sounds great when you say it like that but the truth is, most of that was just luck. i didn't know what i was doing half the time and i nearly always had help.
he's just being modest.
no, hermione, i'm not.
facing this stuff in real life is not like school. in school if you make a mistake you can just try again tomorrow. but out there, when you're a scond away from being murdered, or watching a friend die right before your eyes... you dont know what its like.
youre right harry. we dont. thats why we need your help. because if we're going to have any chance of beating...voldemort.
he's really back..


you've done it neville! you found the room of requirement!

you will please copy the approved text four times to ensure maximum retention. there will be no need to talk.

stunning is one of the most useful spells in your arsenal. it's sort of a wizard's bread and butter really.

im done here.

sorry im so lame

please continue to not comment on any of my posts. that makes me really happy. it definitely doesnt make me feel like the internet is a bottomless void into which my carefully selected words are being thrown, never to be seen again.

so please continue.

please.






how do you solve a problem like maria? how do you catch a cloud and pin it down? something something....how do you hold a moonbeam in your hands?



lolololol when i was typing maria i accidentally said mario. how do you solve a problem like mario? hire luigi to kill him. i can do that, since im luigi. sucks to suck mario.

my fingers are really cold on account of the cold shower i was just forced to take. it's hard to type with cold fingers. it's hard to do anything with cold fingers, really, which you would know if you had The Curse Of The Cold Fingers like I do. The Curse Of The Cold Fingers is a dangerous spell that was cast upon me when I was a very small child, maybe even right when I was born, by an evil ice witch. The witch wanted everyone to experience the cold that she felt every day in her heart, so she went around casting ice spells on all the babies in the land. (by 'the land', i mean crystal, the town where i was born. that's why it's called crystal, after ice crystal, in honor of the queen (she's a witch queen...thing...yeah i dont know).) anyway, one night in the dead of winter of my first year of living, when i was only six or seven months old, she crept into my room and up to my crib. now, it just so happened that my little infant self was having a wonderful dream at that moment, one about a magical light that made you warm all the time so you never had to be cold. in truth, this was more than a dream, because this magical light of warmth was real, and it wandered around infants' dreams in an attempt to stop the ice queen witch evil lady. the witch leaned over my crib and breathed her magical icy breath onto me, hoping to make me cold forever. but the power of the dream was enough to diminish the spell to nothing more than a cool breeze. this made the witch angry. she had never been thwarted before, and she wondered how a helpless infant could have resisted her magic. she breathed again, this time blowing harder and harder until she froze the very air itself, and the crib and the quilt surrounding me, forming ice crystals everywhere. still i stayed mostly warm and free of ice, though i shivered a little. the power of the magical light was weakening as the queen strengthened her spell. it shone brighter in a further attempt to keep me safe. after a few futile minutes the queen saw that she must give up, but in her last efforts she was more powerful than ever before, concentrating on the weakest parts of my tiny body. the light shone throughout every inch of me, struggling, weakening, but it could not reach the furthest part of my body, my fingers. the queen saw this vulnerability, and blew even harder on my small fingers, until eventually her breath ran out and she slunk from the room, cackling at the small victory, ready to move on to the next child.

So, although the queen's full magic wasn't able to reach me, i was still left with some of the effects of the spell. i am not alone; the magical light managed to help a few other babies, and the babies' fingers continue to be the achilles heel. because of the witch, our fingers are doomed to be cold and unable to function for our entire lives. together, we suffer the eternal effects of The Curse Of The Cold Fingers.



where did that even come from. i totally didn't plan to write that. it just came out. i'm so effing weird like what i dont even

where did that come from

If You Run Out of Things To Do On the Internet (and other things)

Because as magic as it is, for some reason we always manage to run out of things to do on the internet. So if you find yourself left with no more websites to check or things to tweet or videos to watch, do some of these. Because you can.

Look up the song "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds or "A Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left" by Andrew Bird. It might interest you to know that both were presented to me by Ms. Etnier. And I love them both.

Watch JennaMarbles videos. They're surprisingly hilarious.

Creep on people's houses on GoogleMaps. Do it. It's fun. Walk from your house to like, New York. Because you have no life and nothing better to do.

Venture into 'the weird part of youtube'. It gets sketchy up in there.

Watch AVPM and AVPS. Again. Because they're amazing, and you forgot how amazing they are.

Re-memorize the videos you used to have memorized word-for-word.

Download some new music.

Listen to an entire ballet. No one's going to do this. I'd do this. I do this on a regular basis actually.

Creep on people. This is always an option.


Okay I'm out of ideas. What should I write about now?

I didn't fail yesterday! You have no idea how happy that actually makes me. Like I didn't even realize it would be this big of a deal but I'm still super happy about it and it's been over twenty-four hours. This is record-breaking. Plus I feel different now. Okay you guys don't wanna read this. Lemme find something entertaining to write about. Like I always do.

Here are some things for you to do because you're bored. I know you're bored because why else would you be reading this? And don't worry, these aren't dumb things that require getting up and doing something. Well, they might be dumb. But at least you can stay where you are and continue to be lazy.

Try to imagine exactly where you'll be in ten years. Like, exactly ten years from now what will you be doing? Figure it out. You can even write it down, and if you can manage to save it, read it ten years from now and see how far off you were. But that might require getting up from your spot.

Try to figure out exactly where you were ten years ago. You were five or six. It was March. Chances are you were either at school or asleep or something. Actually, it was kindergarten, so you have a whole half of a day that you could have been doing something interesting. Plus, maybe it was a weekend ten years ago, so you have to consider that too. Figure it out. You can do it. Or you won't figure it out cuz you don't care that much. See how I can anticipate your answers? I'm clever. Or I hang out with you guys too much.

Mentally sort your friends into groups based on the places you hang out with them (i.e. band friends, quiz bowl friends, 3rd hour friends, etc).

Try to divide 1875 by 25 in your head. Because in your free time you divide large numbers mentally.

Figure out how many days/hours/minutes/seconds you've been alive.

Look up clothes from different time periods.

Learn something new, like Greek gods or painters. Then you'll know them for quiz bowl and knowledge bowl, or, in Jennifer's case, you'll just know them.

Memorize a seemingly useless list. You'll 1. feel accomplished 2. be able to annoy people by reciting it on command (or not on command, since chances are no one will command you) and 3. maybe have to use it sometime in your life like in quiz bowl or on Jeopardy or if some random man comes up to you on the street and says 'If you can name all the islands in the Pacific Ocean in alphabetical order, I'll give you $100 right now' and then you'll be glad you did it. 

Go through the old folders on your computer and read all the stuff you wrote multiple years ago. Laugh at your past selves' stupidity. Or be impressed, depending.

Okay imma go watch episode 12 of season 4 of Lost now. Adios.

lost

im waiting for lost to load so i'm posting on here, because i haven't been on here in a long time. but the reason i haven't been on here in so long is because every time i'm about to post something, i have nothing to say. or at least, nothing i can say on the internet. i used to be able to say whatever on here cuz there were only two people who read it but now...who knows who reads it. it cant be like my online journal anymore. what a downer.

so im using the computer that jennifer gave me and i gotta say i really like this keyboard. its super easy to type on.

okay i realize that will might read this but whatevs, cuz if i cant say what i want on here then theres no point in having it, and anyway i was creepin on his tumblr, cuz im a creep, and i dont understand tumblr so i was like 'lets creep and try to figure it out' and then one day he said 'im so happy like seriously guys you have no idea' and it was on december eighth and thats the day after he asked me out and hmmm. connection? perhaps. hopefully. anyway. im done being annoying now i swear.


KNOWLEDGE BOWL.

subregionals, yayy! theyre on tuesday. im excited. my team is me, mike, erik raymakers and b-rad. yeah i call him b- rad now. and b-randon, and saRa. it's kinda becoming natural now. like dale, who i forget is actually named matt. anyway, we better make it to regionals. im gonna be sad if we dont. actually im surprised me even made it to subregionals because in that tournament we didnt even place.
man, knowledge bowl wins so much more than speech. we win all the dang time. they should announce it more often, and make a big deal out of it like they like to do with speech.


i just found out that charlie's gonna die. like, i already knew he was gonna die, but apparently desmond knows hes gonna die and he keeps saving him but 'the universe has a way of course-correcting' so eventually he's not gonna be able to save him. A;LSDKJF;ASDHF;ASDFJ; im gonna cry. seriously. why does charlie have to die? there are so many random characters that dont matter and arent as cool as charlie. they can die. we dont care about them.

if sawyer dies im gonna kill someone. sawyer is the best character on the show. i like claire a lot too but no one beats sawyer. especially with his down south accent and his sarcastic humor and his i-hate-everything AGH if he dies im done watching the show i swear.


well, probably not.

i actually hate the word whatevs. i use it all the time though. same with defs and maybs and probs. and totes. i used to just say it as a joke, to make fun of the people who actually said it, but now theyre just part of my normal vocabulary. thats embarrassing.

chad got a twitter. apparently he's had one for like a month but he just followed me today. whats the deal. anyway, i think he likes mailee which is hilarious but also super creepy because shes in eighth grade and he's a junior, and she's really dumb like she's a typical dumb blonde and she even has that annoying dumb blonde voice that jennifer likes to use when she imitates me being delirious even though thats not what i sound like.


well i think lost has loaded now, so imma go. adios.

WILL IS COOL

If I Didn't Have Responsibilities

Yesterday at work I got this magic little thing called a W2 form. I'm not quite sure what it is, but it looks kind of intense and adult-ish, and made me realize all the adult things that I do, and how annoying they are and how I'm not excited to grow up. The older I get, the more I have to, and the more my actions affect my life, and I'm really just not okay with it.

I'd rather be sitting in the basement with a blanket and a fire in the fireplace, eating popcorn and drinking hot chocolate with the light by the window on and the blinds closed, watching John Wayne or Harry Potter with my mom and sister.

I'd rather be at Caribou, drinking coffee and not having to worry about studying, or how much time is left until I have to go to work and struggling to cram all of my homework in and ending up doing a half-ass job on it all because I don't have the time or the motivation to do it.

I wish I had a good piano, or at least one that halfway works, so I could be playing it right now, and actually learning how to play the piece that I was supposed to have learned two weeks ago.

I'd rather be in Senegal where it's warm and foreign and I can sit at the table and eat Lebanese food and talk to my grandma, or go to the beach with my cousins or visit my aunts and uncles or walk around the streets or through the market. Or, at nighttime, sit on the balcony and watch the street below.

I wish it was summer so I could go places on a whim and not return until after dark, and turn sixteen and get my license and go on adventures, and be at spat camp and go to Senegal and have marching band and the Fourth of July and go camping and have no stress.

Except. Summer still has stress. Because we have summer projects, and I still have to work almost every day.

Summer projects are terrible. We need a break. You can't expect us to have assignments year-round. It doesn't help us, it only hurts us. Summer is supposed to be the time when we have no obligations or anything, and we don't have to worry about things being due, and time doesn't matter and it all runs together and we don't know what day it is and it's warm and we can go to the beach and we don't have to do anything. But the older we get, the less true that is. ALDKFJ;LASKGH;KAJSDHF;ASKLDFH;ALSKDF;LASDHF;ASKDF You have no idea how much I just want to be a kid again. Or to stay a teenager forever. I don't want to grow up. I really don't. The freedoms that come with being an adult aren't worth the responsibilities that also come with it.

I want to be at a Quiz Bowl tournament, with a really long bus ride so we can play Authors and have heated arguments or random conversations and listen to classical music, and then get there and do really well and then go somewhere and eat lunch and then compete more and then have another really long bus ride where we're too tired to play games so we just sit and talk and bond with our Quiz Bowl people and then after we can go to someone's house and watch Disney movies and eat junk food and I don't have to go to work after so we can spend a lot of time there, and then I can go home and watch more Disney movies and it snows a lot and it's just perfectly awesome.

I want to go to pep band and play awesome songs and hang out with people and drink Pep Band Gatorade and play more awesome songs and have an orchestra room bonding sesh after.

I want to have a goldeneye party in a dark basement with lots of food and gossip and awesomeness.

I want it to be warm out so I can go on more walks with Will and not have freezing fingers.

I want to be able to read books that I choose and actually have time to read them.

I want it to be summer or spring so I can go on a road trip and stop at a rest stop and stretch my legs and it's not too hot and there's a warm breeze and then we stop and get fast food and the car is a mess and we listen to music and then go camping and sit around a campfire and sleep in the tent and fall asleep to other people talking in low voices at their campsites and wake up and unzip the tent and it makes that unzipping sound that reminds me of camping and everything is wet with dew and it's actually kind of nasty but once you go to the bathrooms and wash up you feel better and you eat breakfast and continue your camping adventure.

I want it to be March so it will snow buckets. Like three or four feet of snow, and we can have a snow day and just chill all day, and maybe finish the homework that we procrastinated on and had resigned to turning in late, and go outside and shovel the driveway and go sledding and make snow forts and get snow down my jacket and come inside with numb red cheeks, covered in snow, and peel off the many layers of clothing and make popcorn and play a board game or something.

I want to explore the woods near Meaghan's house again, and go to the stream and make a dam and climb that giant steep hill that has the mysterious wire and make a zipline across the stream and just chill back there because it's awesome.

I want to play softball in the summer, where I don't have to wear gloves when I go up to bat, and where my glove smells like leather and dirt and we have tournaments all day and eat hot dogs from the concession stand for lunch and we actually win games and the people on my team don't suck and it smells like sunscreen and sweat and Gatorade and it's hot outside and then we finish the tournament and go to Culver's and then I go home around six or seven and maybe jump in the sprinkler, or run to Lake Ann, or go to Kaden's and swim in the pool and hang out with my neighbors and play night games and sit in the middle of the street at night and have bonfires.

This weather is depressing.

A Lesson in Blogging

So I decided to flip through the blogs, and I realized that usually people post about a specific event or thought or idea, as opposed to just rambling on forever. Okay shut up I know you're sitting there like 'DUH.' but I think that's what I used to do, I just got carried away and never had anything to say so I just said whatever came to my mind.

Today I'll find something specific to write about.

....an idea will come soon....





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This is why you guys are the only ones that read this blog SEE THIS IS WHAT I MEAN I just ramble because I never actually have anything real to say. Or when I do have real things to say, I don't feel like writing them down.


Still waiting for an idea.


I just want it to be July. I want to go to Senegal soo badly, for so many reasons. First of all, I want to visit my family because I actually miss them sooo much. Also I like Senegal, because it's so different from here and it's just different and awesome and I love it. Also, I need a break from school and work and my family and stress and it's just gonna be a whole month of complete vacation just for myself for the first time and I need it. That's another thing. I'm really excited about the fact that I'm traveling to a foreign country all by myself, not with my family or a group or anything, just me, having to navigate through airports and foreign languages and customs and whatnot all by myself, and it's gonna be like a test to see if I can do it, which I can, and I'm excited. Traveling is a fun time. Not just the destination, but traveling itself. I love it so much. Aghhh now I keep thinking about it and I'm super excited and I want to see my grandma and go to the ocean and walk around in Dakar and see everybody and fly on a plane and aghhhhhh I want to go soooooo baddddd. Only a little over 5 months! That's not even that long! I can do that!

In Senegal you can't drive until you're 18. But I'll have my American license. That'll be slightly frustrating. Oh well, I'll probably drive anyway. Actually just kidding I definitely won't because the roads are completely different there and I feel like I won't be aggressive or experienced enough to be able to drive.

I should stop talking about this because I'm getting extremely excited and frustrated that I can't go there right now at this moment. It's gonna be one whole month of pure Lebanese awesomeness. And the best part is, you'll get to hear about it because I'm gonna blog about it! Yay for you guys.

I think I'm gonna buy a laptop. Once I get my ticket. They're not really that expensive and I don't need a really nice one and I can just get a used one. Or I can ask for one for my birthday. I just want one for when I go to Senegal because the keyboards there are different and the only computer at my grandma's is kinda crappy and so what would I do without the lovely internet for a month?

It's 10:30 and I still gotta take a shower and the song I was listening to just ended so it seems like a good time to stop. Plus we have finals tomorrow which I'm not excited for.

Adios.


I should learn how to say bye and more languages so I can have some variation.

Au revoir.

I'M TRYING. I PROMISE. I'M TRYING.

Okay that's only a little bit a lie. I am trying, just not very hard. I can't think of ANYTHING to write for this English paper and I'm going insane. I'm going to be up so late. I can't think of anythinggg. I'm going to die. Seriously I'm just gonna lie down on the floor and cease to be alive.

I realized, blogger is just twitter for the less eloquent people, who can't fit their ideas into 140 characters and have to ramble for a billion years to get their messages across. Except sometimes I don't have a message, I just like to ramble.

I don't know what to write.
I don't know what to write.
I don't know what to write.
I don't know what to write.
I don't know what to write.
I don't know what to write.

You couldn't tell, but each of those had emphasis on a different word.

You just went through and reread that, putting emphasis on a different word each time.

Actually probably you didn't, but that's what I would do.

I just wanna watch Lost. I blame Will for this addiction. Watching Lost is all I ever want to do. Fat Thursday is soon and I'm supposed to make a two-layer cake but I'm not gonna have time. I still have to do my chemistry pre-lab, and it's 8:40. And write my paper.

This is what I mean. I know that I should try harder on my homework because I'm gonna be up really late hating myself later, but I'm still not starting it. Know why? Cuz I'm stupid. That's the only reasonable explanation that I can think of.

I was gonna cut my hair over the weekend, but then I realized that I don't have enough hair to cut. Maybe the top layers. Idk. I'll just not cut it.

My palms are warm but my fingers are freezing cold and can barely function. I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. My hands are always cold. All the time. I hate it. I can't do anything with cold hands. Especially texting. I literally txt in slow motion because my fingers physically will not go faster. It's strange.

asdfkljsdo;awidhf;oasidho;asidhf;o;OAWEDF;AIWRGT;AIERGT;IAERHGT;AUIERHGTL;IUAERHGTIUAHWERGTUIHAWERI;THUAAERIWI;EI;WERUAIERUAEIL
I am so beyond frustrated. I need to start my paper. NOW.

There is no racism in America! I mean there is, but to be perfectly honest I don't care enough about it to think that hard. There's racism, but it's not a problem. Our president is black! How are you gonna top that? Seriously like okay yeah a lot of people are automatically judged differently because they are colored than a white person would be, but the opposite is true in any other country that is mostly colored. It's a fact of life. I'm not trying to defend America. It's just true. As little as race actually matters, it still is a factor in society, even though it shouldn't be. How are we gonna solve that? I have no frickin idea. And I don't want to think about it. I just want to watch Lost.
things i like:
cake
lost
people
strawberry ice cream
summer
the ocean
diners
star wars
disney
the fifties
stephen king
pan am
traveling
having money
not having anything to procrastinate on
when people retweet my tweets
being me
having warm hands
pianos
going to minneapolis
lebanese food
talking on the phone
your mom





idk.

things i dont like:
wanting to hang up but whoever it is (most likely a parent) won't stop talking so you're like 'yes. yes. okay. yes. okay. uh-huh. BYE.'
ap chemistry
labs
doing work
not sitting
fifty degree weather in january in minnesota
the fact that it's january
when my hands are cold
not owning those cool mittens where the thumbs come off so you can text.
not owning an iphone so i cant have cool speech bubbles when i text.
being ocd about how many bars are on my phone
when the door is not closed
not owning a car
not having a license
the fact that i have to go to college
YOUR MOM

things i like, again:
my moms flower garden
sun
full moons
singing disney songs
movie marathons
mario
goldeneye parties
food

things i dont like:
lying
that fact that i am lazy
the fact that i have no motivation whatsoever
the fact that i actually have to try in school
annoying people
not knowing things
valentines day
obligations
people telling me what to do
people yelling at me
people expecting things from me
people talking to me (at certain times) (like now)
being in my room or the office and my siblings come in and decide theyre gonna hang out with me when really i just want to be by myself
sending a text and realizing theres a typo and its too late to fix it
our government and its stupidness
american society
the fact that i cant speak arabic and all of my cousins and everybody in my family can and im just the stupid american one that just speaks english and is always left out because i barely even speak french and it takes me forever to figure out what theyre saying and i'm way younger than all my cousins so i'm just the child and just basically yeah
when people dont take me seriously
being interrupted
subconciously succumbing to the complete neglect of grammar that our society has assumed
the fact that i still havent started my essay
when my phone 'stores' messages and i get them an hour later so people think i just decided not to text them back
when im thirsty but too lazy to get water
the fact that i cant go to communion in church because i never had a first communion so i just have to stay in the pew and then when everybody gets back from communion they have to awkwardly scoot past me and i have to awkwardly bend my knees and yeah

things i like:
reading rainbow theme song
arthur theme song
things that remind me of childhood
picture books
when you open a picture book and it smells really good you know what im talking about?
really old books
having a job
being a teenager
music
my grandma
my grandmas house
being lebanese
making lists
easter
when i know the words to the songs in church without having to read from the books
going to caribou
the fact that french comes easily to me
classical music
baking
being a girl
new piano music
playing a piano that is not my own
my cousins
when i have a lot of things to fill up my calendar because i dont like when its empty
hot showers at the end of the day (or sometimes the middle of the night)
exploring in the woods
having a stack of books next to my bed
trips to the library in the summer
excelsior
licks unlimited
mgmt

things i dont like:
growing up
having responsibility
being cold
not knowing how to respond to a text
WHEN PEOPLE DONT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR AND YOU'RE
when people cant spell
when people dont use correct grammar because theyre stupid (as opposed to knowing it but choosing not to like i sometimes do)
when people dont use semicolons correctly
going to chemistry
the thought of going to chemistry
walking into the chem room
thinking about chemistry
teachers who think their word is law
anyone who thinks their word is law
people who deal in extremes
time
turkey bacon
fish (alive or as food)
forgetting things
losing things
breaking things
not seeing the end of movies
messing up the last note of a piano piece after you played it really well
people touching me unnecessarily
FISH
(i was thinking about fish again and realized how much i actually hate them so i decided to say it again)
eating too much and feeling like crap after
old country buffet
fake laughter
public displays of affection
hypocrites
the fact that i am a hypocrite
narrow minded people
zd;fuoahlaiseulaf
dfljkghas
dsfkjhasdg
dfgkhuadfg
I NEED TO WRITE THIS ESSAY OH MY GOSH.




im gonna go now.

disney songs

are awesome.

my dear, sweet child.
that's what i do! it's what i live for.
to help unfortunate merfolk...like yourself!
poor souls, with no one else to turn to!

i admit that in the past i've been a nasty. they weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch.
but you'll find that nowadays, i've mended all my ways, repented, seen the light, and made a switch.
two years!

and i fortunately know a little magic. it's a talent that i always have possessed.
and dear lady please don't laugh, i use it on behalf on the miserable, lonely, and depressed.
pathetic!

poor unfortunate souls!
in pain, in need.
this one longing to be thinner, that one wants to get the girl, and do i help them? yes, indeed.

those poor unfortunate souls, so sad, so true.
they come flocking to my cauldron crying, "spells ursula, please!" and i help them.
yes i do!

now it's happened once or twice.
someone couldn't pay the price, and i'm afraid i've had to rake 'em cross the coals.
yes, i've had the odd complaint, but on the whole i've been a saint.
to those poor unfortunate souls.

now, here's the deal.
i will make you a potion that will turn you into a human for three days.
got that?
three days.
now listen, this is important:
before the sun sets on the third day, you've got to get dear old princey to fall in love with you!
that is, he's got to kiss you.
and not just any kiss.
the kiss of true love!
if he does kiss you before the sun sets on the third day,
you'll remain human permanently!
but if he doesn't, you turn back into a mermaid and....
you belong to me.

---no ariel!---

have we got a deal?

if i become human, i'll never be with my father or sisters again...

that's right. but, you'll have your man. life's full of tough choices, innit?!
oh! and there is one more thing.
we haven't discussed the subject of payment yet.
you can't get something from nothing you know.

but i don't have any-

i'm not asking much!
just a token, really, a trifle!
you'll never even miss it.
what i want from you is...
your voice.

my voice?

you've got it, sweetcakes.
no more talking, singing. zip.

but without my voice, how can i-

you have your looks!
your pretty face!
and don't underestimate the importance of...
BODY LANGUAGE!
HA!

the men up there don't like a lot of blabber.
they think a girl who gossips is a bore!
yes, on land it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word
and after all, dear, what is idle prattle for?

come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation.
true gentlemen avoid it when they can.
but they dote and swoon and fawn on a lady who's withdrawn.
it's she who holds her tongue who get the man.

come on you poor unfortunate soul!
go ahead!
make your choice!
i'm a very busy woman and i haven't got all day.
it won't cost much!
just your voice!

ya poor unfortunate soul,
it's sad, but true.
if you want to cross a bridge my sweet, you've got to pay a toll.
take a gulp and take a breath and go ahead and sign the scroll.
flotsam, jetsam, now i've got her boys,
the boss is on a rollllllllllllll!

this poor
unfortunate
sooooouuuuuuuuuuuuul!

paluga sebruga come winds of the caspian sea,
larayssus glossitis, etmax laryngitis, la vulche to meeee.

(idk i kinda made some of that up)

now, sing.

ahhh ah ah ah aasdfjal;sdkfj;laskdfjl lalalalalalalala
lalalalalalalalalala

keep singing!

ahahahaha mwahahahahaha aHAHAHAHAHA (evil laughter)

*ariel emerges from the ocean silhouetted against the sky*




that was all from my head. appreciate it.

ahahahahaha

i just realized that my first post of 2012 is 'why am i so lame' and its like the lamest post ever. wowwwww. now go read it.

why am i so lame.

i don't know what's wrong with me but i've kinda been having a mental pity party lately. i think people are getting annoyed with it. i would get annoyed with it if it were me, cuz i hate when people are downers and complain, which is hypocritical because i do that all the time, but just so you know, when i'm having one of my pity parties like right now, feel free to tell me to shut up and stop being a downer.

well, i did have something to write but i seem to have lost my train of thought.

oh, it's 2012 now. that's something to talk about. I've had this blog for something like 5 years. that's a long time. that's a lot of rambling that you guys have had to put up with. oh well. it's funny how different people used to go on here over the years, and now it's just meaghan and jennifer. which is good cuz i dont know if i even want other people going on here, cuz who knows what i'll say.

i've decided that maybe a year and a half of high school is long enough. maybe i should stop letting people think i'm normal and just be a crazy like i actually am. actually never mind that's a terrible idea. people will be like who are you and what have you done with raisa. i'll just continue letting them think i'm normal. maybe during the last semester of senior year i'll just go totally psycho. they'll look back and be like 'oh that raisa, i remember her, i think the stress just got to her, she went insane.' or not. is this what i do on this blog? just say random stuff that doesnt make sense? why do you guys put up with this?

asdfghjklqwertyuiopzxcvbnmqwertyuiopojhdsjhdfghygtfdfgfgtkiytcdykugzdflguhadl

i cant think of anything to say.

i'm really excited to go to senegal, and i dont have any problem with being by myself for a month, but i feel like as soon as i get on the plane by myself im just gonna break down and be like NO WAIT I CAN'T DO IT. just watch. that'll happen. i mean now, looking towards it, i'll be fine. and a month will go by fast. but just watch, i'll all of a sudden miss my family terribly and chicken out and not be able to do it. that would suck so much, considering i've been planning on going on this trip for two years, and it's the whole reason i got a job.

elle me dit
ecrit un chanson contente
pas un chanson deprimante
un chanson que tous le monde aime

she told me
write a happy song
not a depressing song
a song that everyone likes.

wow that sounds a lot better in french than it does in english. it sounds stupid in english. that song is super annoying but it's so dang catchy.

time to eat my feelings.

just kidding i dont eat my feelings, i eat raspberry filled chocolate and twizzlers.

i am such a loser.

thats okay. im happy. who cares about other people.
wow that was a really selfish statement.
what i meant was who cares what other people think.

if i had a fridge in the basement i would actually never need to go upstairs.

luckily i have a crapload of candy and a bottle of water, which is basically food.

the internet is my friend.

okay this is an intervention. im interventioning (is that a word?) myself. this is too pathetic. imma go watch lost some more, since my sister is obviously never going to leave.

adios.