why am i so lame.

i don't know what's wrong with me but i've kinda been having a mental pity party lately. i think people are getting annoyed with it. i would get annoyed with it if it were me, cuz i hate when people are downers and complain, which is hypocritical because i do that all the time, but just so you know, when i'm having one of my pity parties like right now, feel free to tell me to shut up and stop being a downer.

well, i did have something to write but i seem to have lost my train of thought.

oh, it's 2012 now. that's something to talk about. I've had this blog for something like 5 years. that's a long time. that's a lot of rambling that you guys have had to put up with. oh well. it's funny how different people used to go on here over the years, and now it's just meaghan and jennifer. which is good cuz i dont know if i even want other people going on here, cuz who knows what i'll say.

i've decided that maybe a year and a half of high school is long enough. maybe i should stop letting people think i'm normal and just be a crazy like i actually am. actually never mind that's a terrible idea. people will be like who are you and what have you done with raisa. i'll just continue letting them think i'm normal. maybe during the last semester of senior year i'll just go totally psycho. they'll look back and be like 'oh that raisa, i remember her, i think the stress just got to her, she went insane.' or not. is this what i do on this blog? just say random stuff that doesnt make sense? why do you guys put up with this?

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i cant think of anything to say.

i'm really excited to go to senegal, and i dont have any problem with being by myself for a month, but i feel like as soon as i get on the plane by myself im just gonna break down and be like NO WAIT I CAN'T DO IT. just watch. that'll happen. i mean now, looking towards it, i'll be fine. and a month will go by fast. but just watch, i'll all of a sudden miss my family terribly and chicken out and not be able to do it. that would suck so much, considering i've been planning on going on this trip for two years, and it's the whole reason i got a job.

elle me dit
ecrit un chanson contente
pas un chanson deprimante
un chanson que tous le monde aime

she told me
write a happy song
not a depressing song
a song that everyone likes.

wow that sounds a lot better in french than it does in english. it sounds stupid in english. that song is super annoying but it's so dang catchy.

time to eat my feelings.

just kidding i dont eat my feelings, i eat raspberry filled chocolate and twizzlers.

i am such a loser.

thats okay. im happy. who cares about other people.
wow that was a really selfish statement.
what i meant was who cares what other people think.

if i had a fridge in the basement i would actually never need to go upstairs.

luckily i have a crapload of candy and a bottle of water, which is basically food.

the internet is my friend.

okay this is an intervention. im interventioning (is that a word?) myself. this is too pathetic. imma go watch lost some more, since my sister is obviously never going to leave.

adios.